..:. Cracking My Vainpot .:..

Now that I have become a neurobiologist, perhaps it's time for me to talk about behaviour; and what's better than to post the 1st ever porn video here on Valentine's day?! Mind you, this one is inspired by a vintage masterpiece from the 60s...

Yes, that's right. You are looking at naughty male fruit flies courting each other forming a daisy chain...  Scientists like looking at these babies because they're easy to breed and train. In fruit fly, there's this master gene called "fruitless", which controls male-female courtship behaviour. When you put a virgin male with a female, he will chase her for hours non-stop, wing vibrating (songs!), foot tapping and abdomen licking until he gets it. However, if he was paired with a mated female, she'd fiercely reject his naive advances, and emotionally scar him for days (seriously!).

If the girl has a male version of fruitless, she'd behave like a boy, and vice versa. Boys with a mutated fruitless gene, will become gay, hence the video.

As it turns out, male flies also have "beer goggle", just like us. After a couple of pints, they will turn bi-curious, although it is currently unknown whether they will regret it later.

For a moment, I thought this means homosexuals are just genetically drunk~! But needless to say, monkey business is far more complex than flies sniffing each other's bottom - the fruitless gene doesn't actually exist in mammals.

Fruity science. Who's have thought?! ;-P

After searching for 10min on the web, I found St Mary's walk in clinic, quite a lot out of the way so hopefully won't bump into people.

Being familiar with how the AIDS epidemic started in the US, I was half expecting a seedy little room filled with sauna freaks who're into fisting, some junkies with bee stunk veins down their arms, and may be a few crabs clawing on the floor.

Instead, I saw a relative normal cross section of the society there, and whilst nobody there was beaming, I saw no yellowish pus gushing out of anyone's trousers either. You just can't tell.

There were students (of course), secretaries (and their bosses?), Eastern European (prostitutes??), the city type (clients???) grey hair professors (asking for Viagra????), 50 cents (err can't tell if he's just an imposer). Sure, they were predominantly men, but quite a few women too, some of them couldn't have been older than 14.

Then some nurse came over and asked if any first-timer needs registration forms. To my surprise, people didn't fringe even a little in saying that they've been there before. Perhaps because from that moment, we all became M4589332, GFE12983954 and so on?

No guilty faces or accusing 'You slut!" stares across the waiting room either.

I asked the receptionist how long we have to wait and she said two hours!

Well, at least that's 23day X 24hr /2 = 276 times faster already, compared to the STD clinic in Oxford.

Just as I thought that long waiting list for clinics can contribute to the rise of Gonorrhoea and Syphilis around the country, a newspaper headline caught my eyes (Shit! How many people have touched it b4??!).

"Sex Diseases Soaring as Clinic Queues Grow"

“1/3 of suspected STD patients continue to have sex while they are waiting for a clinic appointment”

Whaola! We can blame someone else again.

Eventually, they sent me home with a small mountain of condoms and a Hep A jab. Last time I checked, Hep A is only transmissible through contaminated food and feces, not sex. What a waste of time!

Later, I overheard a screaming & crying couple just outside the entrance. "You've been completely dishonest with me!" "From day one!", the boy shounted at the girl. Oh dear, are we in "EastEnders" or "Neighbours" here...

I guess it's better to be cautious & open with these things afterall.

Lately, I've been trying to put Mr MBA on my "Rice Queen Scale".

Does he only date Orientals/Asian? Does he eat chicken feet? Has his love for Oriental penis spilt over to Oriental culture as well?

As I tested his knowledge of 1) In the mood for Love, 2) Hero, 3) Meggie Cheung, and 4) Andy Lau, he asked if I knew Che# Lam. From that moment on, I knew I can't listen to Che# Lam's CDs in the same spirit, again. For Mr StarFucker has made us "milkbrothers"... so to speak.

Transfer of his talent this way cum!!

(lol ain't I evil)

Finally, THAT day in February has arrived, AGAIN.

Well done to those who have found love!

Keep it UP. (Boys, don't drink too much!)

For those who haven't, keep trying!

As for myself, I'll find some practical supplements for my singledom.

(1) Chocolate.

Even Casanova considered chocolate as the Elixir of Love. Why? Because it has the natural chemical phenylethylamine that tells the brain to feel euphoric, to feel in love.

I always trust Lindt on this matter. Swiss best. But what about the rest? A major disappointment came from Hershey's much hyped "Hugs" and "Kisses". Despite their gimmicky names, their adorable teardrop shape only led to a lousy chalky taste. Cadbury's? Ill! How romantic is their vegetable oil content?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/mostof_chocolate.shtml

(2) Exercise.

Kissing and Sex induce endorphin release, which makes you feel good, lowers your blood pressure, and relieves stress. Guess what? So does Exercise. Go hit the gym baby. Since the amount of calories you burn during sex varies according to your organ shape and position, you should match your exercise accordingly.

http://members.iweb.net.au/~jspry/passiton.html

(3) Chewing Gum and Yogert.

Mechanically, kissing increases saliva production which as a result, can let in as many as 5 million bacteria in a single kiss. That means I'll need some gum for dribbles and a good scoop of Danon Yogert for some healthy L. bulgaricus and S. thermophilus cultures.

Since kissing can also fight against tooth decay, I should also brush with anti-decay Colgate with pepper mint.

(4) Drama.

Who said a Valentine's date will necessarily go well? For quality soap, I'd prob go (Netflix the internet DVD rental) for some old series of Sex and the City + Queer as Folks.

Since I've pledged not to pay for sex before 30, I know I still won't be joining musclemenXXX.com tonight.

HVD!

How naive! Ever since a famous actress proclaimed that GIRLS LOVE BUT BOYS LUST, I never thought that the fair sex masturbates too.

Well, up until I arrived in SF anyway. Invariably, any SF tourist guide would mention the famous local establishment, "Good Vibrations". My female colleagues have long been going on about this chainstore, so I decided to see it for myself this afternoon.

A female-targeting sex toy retailer it is, I expected it to be somewhat of a taboo, hidden away in some dark seedy corner of the city, full of curtains and oddballs. But surprise surprise, as I stepped in the first impression was that of a clean, open, well-lite, friendly sort of place, complete with young normal looking couples strolling around hands in hands.

The bewilding arrays of vibrators that bear the shop's name were all there, from the basic silver bullet designs to funny colour floppy dildos to soft plastic bunny rabbits. Generally anything shape that can take an AA Energiser battery really. Given that most men only last 14 minutes, I can see a lucrative market here. As I touched and switched on an obscure jelly-like ring display item, a smiley staff member came over and ask if I need any help. Too embrassed to admit my ignorance, I moved onto the book section.

There, I was amused to find "The G-Spot Guide", which tells me exactly how many women have experienced female ejaculations; the "Tickle his Pickle", a handbook on handjob that claims the best one is actually to use your boobs; the "SM 101-realistic introduction"; and the handily waterproof "Erotic Bath for Two".

By this time, my attention has already shifted, first to the Trojan XL (condoms) being displayed near the til to show you the actual size, then to a clear-purple sea cucumber-like jelly with a hole. The Chinese/Japanese label says "Big Tube General", "stretchable-fits any penis sizes". How curious, a masturbation probe for boys! But it was the small print that gave me pride- "Patented & Exclusively Made in Hong Kong"- so I guess I'm from the city of professional wankers.

Towards the end, I settled on a lovely Mango scented massage candle, presumably the tamest object I the shop. But at the counter, I read the instruction at the bottom. "Ignite, Drip wax over body, Massage."

Also check http://www.goodvibes.com/ for info on their regular "Pleasure Parties"