..:. Cracking My Vainpot .:..

"They say I ask for too much from others, in terms of trust, commitment."

What the military taught us is to give 110% in everything, whether it's combat or relationship, he said.

He is so ridiculously strong, he has seen so much, yet the look in his eyes is so tender.

After we both came, the young soldier put his dog tags back on.

"I never go anywhere without them."

You know what they're for, he asked.

"One goes around your neck, one goes on your toe."

When you're diseased, he added

"They'd actually shove it inside your mouth. Kinda strange that people wear them casually as bling."

Perhaps a rather unusal if not macabre topic for postcoital sweet nothing.

But it did make me think.

When somebody is prepared to serve and die for his country, why should it matter if he's black or white, gay or straight?

"Don't ask don't tell" is simply an insult to all soldiers.

"WHY DO YOU WEAR THAT??!!"

"YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD THING??!!"

With palpable shock on her face and genuine fear in her voice, she told me off like an angry mother to her mischievous son.

If you were in China you would be in jail, she said with a frown.

Today is the 20th anniversary of the 1989 pro-democracy protest in Beijing and its tragic end. The single life-changing event of my generation.

To commemorate, I went to work today wearing my version of Jeff Widener's icon photo depicting a column of Communist tanks crushing the Chinese character "people".

One thing about working in a lab is that I'm always surrounded by scientists from mainland China. They were clearly uncomfortable when I talked to them about June 4th. Although most of them were mere bystanders during the incident, a few were actually there in the capital demonstrating and had to cope with the bloody aftermath.

To my surprise, not everyone was sympathetic to the 89' student movement. One was positively hostile even. But for sure, none of them has any problem enjoying freedom and liberty now that they're part of the democratic society of America.

Here are their stories and opinions, uncensored.

"We thought we were so powerful. We thought we had the whole world behind us."

"We thought by protesting we could solve all of China's problems, the political problem of having a centrist government."

"I was at home studying English but my boyfriend was there at the square the night before it happened. I remember calling him on June 2nd and there was this rumor that the Army will enter and take over the campus (Peking University) and arrest us all and send us to Tibet or something."

"At the front, we had innocent students who had read about Western ideas. Behind them were these bad people, the mob, trying to take advantage of the situation. The government lost control and, of course, they had to turn to the military for help just like any government would have."

"Shocking? Of course it was shocking! We have not seen that kind of blood shed within the city walls of Beijing for almost a hundred years before that."

"Those 18 yo in the Army has never pulled the trigger at anyone, so they were scared. Most the students have never seen a gun before. When somebody point a gun at you, you won't even know where to hide."

[VP: How would you respond to people who refer to June 4th as a riot?]

Well towards the end, we saw people being set on fire and burnt alive. That one guy was wearing this army uniform and, sure, anyone can wear that type of common cheap green color clothing. But it was just horrendous to see burnt bodies being mutilated.

[VP: Did it change your life in any way? You came to the USA soon after. Was that why?]

"Well no. I was born "an American" (laugh), even though I was born in China, cos I was always interested in Western cultures. The world outside was just so much more interesting then our own. I have always wanted to come regardless."

* * *

"After that year we all became very practical, focusing on making (sign: money) and see how the economy took off?!"

* * *

One of my classmates, she got arrested.

* * *

"No I wasn't but my husband was there in Beijing."

* * *

"I was finishing my Master degree in Shan Dong. My tutor was this hot-blooded idealist. They all went to Beijing to show support, so my classroom was completely empty. None of my friends died cos they came back early."

* * *

"People are more rational now."

* * *

"Democracy?! Just look at Amerca. This democracy is just an illusion. Look at South Korea, look at Taiwan. They have democracy but the governments are just as corrupted and chaotic." [a Communist Chinese]

* * *

"No, you can't mention June 4th officially. But it has somehow got more relaxed now. One of my lecturers even spoke about it in class."

* * *

"Yeah I was there, until the night before it happened..."

"About... 20 meters away from me, there was a row of soldiers with their rifles pointing towards us. One of them was holding a flag up. Should the flag ever come down, they'd fire right away (and they did on the wee hours of June 4th)."

[VP: There were 150,000 people in Hong Kong, attending a candle vigil.]

"Yeah. I'm glad... saw it in the news."

"But I'm also kinda worried. Even in Hong Kong, the central government seemed to have infiltrated the system (and try to suppress the memory of June 4th)."

"These kids (new students from China) they don't know anything about it. Even if they've heard of it, they won't understand the true meaning of the event."

[VP: Has it changed your life?]

(nod slowly whilst staring away)

[VP: Have you changed your perception of the events over the years?]

"Nope."

[VP: Do you ever think about it?]

"It's something that you can never forget. You just... live with it."

[I have a lot more questions for him. My sister wants me to tell him how very proud we are of him, but I just had to excused myself before he got too overcome with emotions...]

It's been 20 years, but for some, the memories of the brutal past are still haunting as ever.

"Do you have any hill people in your family?"

"I'm grew up in a small town of 350 people. We don't even have traffic light." (N. Missouri)

"I love international guys."

"I've never had Chinese food with a Chinaman."

"Are those Chinese boots?" (a gardener who's never seen a pair of biker boots)

"I mean honestly your (sic) exotic. When I grew up there was ONE black family in my school district. I didn't really get exposed to diversity til I was in college."

"KU has a really small town mentality. I didn't grow up in a farm and people would make fun of me for not knowing what a combine is." (University of Kansas)

"Look, if you take me for some ignorant man, unaware of life's cruel lessons, then you are mistaken. I think in life experience, it is I who can teach you a thing or two." (an 18yo, exactly 1 week before he got fired for trying to teach our head of admin the same life lesson)

"If it's a guy, we're supposed to say he looks good at the front. If it's a girl, we say she looks good from the back." (a former Abcrombie & Fitch employee on how they were coached to compliment clients trying on jeans.)

"Make sure he has good credit." (a dad's advice to his gay son on how to pick a "life partner")

a combine harvester

"Do you have insurance?" (the 1st question they asked me at the hospital ER)

"Now I understand why you're so passionate about it." (after seeing MILK)

"It kinda made you want to take part in activism." (after seeing MILK)

"She (baby) needs to grow into her face, like John grew into his big nose."

"Are you an artist or are you just a person?"

"I'd like to get an Asian girlfriend eventually. I need someone to take care of my domestic issues." (a bisexual doctor)

"I love seeing and touching a hard dick, but that's it. I'm just not interested in fucking a guy." (a bisexual gardener)

"Don't text me. Email only." (a bisexual jock)

"I'll just have a slushy thanks." (An anarecsic ordering a cup of ice for dinner)

"My only worry now is for his safety (Obama). I still remember what it was like when Kennedy got assassinated. They were both so young and energetic..."

"It snows for 6 months every year in North Dakota. If we want to ice skate, we just need to spray water over the grass. It's funny to see that you have to pay to get into an ice rink here. Our lakes freeze and we would dig a hole in the ice and go pole fishing. If the ice is thick enough, say a foot, you can actually drive a truck over it. But we'd have to roll down the windows so that if we fall into the water, we can escape. And we have to bring screwdrivers with us, in case we need to pull ourselves out of the water."

One third of San Francisco are Asian and a quarter of all Californians are foreign-born. Everyone loves Thai food, dim sum and Asian girls get the hotties boys. But when it comes to Asian guys? Take a look:-

"No Asian" (online dating profile; Craigslist.com)

"White and Black only" (online dating profile)

"White, Black or Hispanic only" (online dating profile)

"No Asian" (online dating profile; gay.com)

"No Asian" (online dating profile; mygaydar.com)

"No Asian" (online dating profile; manhunt.net)

"Lets get something straight from the start, the whites only (sic) is what I want in bed, if you can't handle it, take your bullshit somewhere else..." from "WhiteisRight"; online dating.

"Lucky that you're Asian. Otherwise, I would've suck your face!" (an Asian)

"I like Asian boys. They have this vulnerable thing going on. Very sexy." (a Latino)

"In Massachusetts, there has been a real shift in public opinion towards gay marriage. Once (straight) people realized that it doesn't affect their own marriages, a constitutional amendment against it became an issue of taking happiness away from their gay neighbors, their gay friends and their gay family members."

"My cousin is a horse masseur... Horsey people are weird."

"If it's a boy, it pees a line. If it's a girl, it pees a puddle." (dogs)

"Get your bike off the road. That's what the pavement is for!"

"Let me help you out of here. You won't survive these few blocks." (white people accidentally stepping into the ghetto)

"If you go to a black barbecue, there'll always be yellow cakes... Oh those are just cupcakes, but they don't know how to name them except by the color."

"I did have a short but fairly established jungle fever."

"They are already not happy that a small Asian guy is assuming the role of authority." (students/teacher)

"Back in Palestine, they'd not be happy if I spoke with an American accent. I won't get killed, but..."

"These ghetto kids don't really know how to be human. Whatever that is most important to them, they'd think it's also most important to you."

"I went to high school in Oklahoma, and the A-list girls would play this "Hate Game". Basically, each time they'd choose a girl to pick on, everyone had to say something they hate about her. When that girl finally broke down, they'd say, "Oh we didn't really mean it".

"Take care of mum" (a son's response, when his gay dad came out after 20 years of marriage.)

"Blacks are becoming the superminority. Both Asian and hipanic Americans are marrying whites but the Blacks aren't..."

"I have two Master degrees." (chat up line, San Francisco)

"Do they play black music here?" (husband asked wife, at a contemporary dance performance, Kansas)

"I grew up in a farm and every morning all the farmers would go and get coffee together. If you don't drive there in a pick-up truck, then they'd think you're a sissy." (Kansas)

"Honey, what's that on the drive way?" (The wife accidentally knocked over a deer on the Highway and dragged it all the way home leaving a long trail of blood.)

"Don't you eat squirrels?" (my insane driving instructor, Kansas)

"You don't have a girlfriend or a wife? That's interesting!"

"Being unique or individualistic is not a virtue here." (Missouri)

"Am I going to die?" (after drinking from the tap in Kansas City, which has the purest of all American tap water)

"My name is Britney and I am a Republican" (a Kansas daddy made his 4 yo daughter say that... 20years later, she votes for Hilary)

"Your chance to play a dead body on CSI. Call now! (CBS, a TV channel)

"You should go back to where your people are." (school teacher trying to solve America's problem; SF)

"I'm a vegetarian." (who eats burgers; SF)

"How do you spell 'friend'?" (SF)

"Do you want some?"

"Is this > or this < greater than?"

"If I'm stressed, I'd quit!" (SF)

"Poor New Orleans. They still don't have UPS!" (SF)

"When I saw the news about New Orleans, I thought, what about the dogs? There won't be anyone around to take care of them!" (SF)

"That's why fork & knife were invented!" (a Japanese-American just couldn't pick up her tofu with chopsticks)

"Californian assumes relationships to be superficial."

"San Francisco is not America!"

"Midwesterners have values." (meaning *unlike California*)

"People in LA pretend to be richer than they really are, whereas people in New York try to look LESS wealthy..."

"I'm soooo over religion... by the way, my astrologist said, that this week Capricorns are..."

"he was like, and I was like... and it was like, it was like..."

"like, he was like, he was like... like, he was like..."

"she was like, like, ... it was like... it was like..."

"I was like, I was like, like ... he was like..."

"like, she was like... like, like... like, like, it was like, like, like, it was like, like..."

(Once, I got sooooooooo annoyed by this very loud girl on the muni train I actually counted the number of times she said the word "LIKE" in a minute === 15, that's 1 per 4 seconds! Wish I had the gut to tell her that.)