I've worked hard all my life.
But why is it so difficult to get what I want?
我不是來觀光的 Russians are not allowed to protest or wave the rainbow flag. So I wore all my colors on my sleeves, to show the Kremlins some LOVE!
Vladimir Putin is trying to outlaw equal rights "propaganda", threatening citizens with fines and imprisonment. Growing up without any positive gay role models, I'd hate to see another generation suffering in silence. Solidarity with the Russians!
I've decided that I won't feel stupid, if this actually works!
[ 古北口長城 ]
[ Kodak EIR Infrared ]
In the Spring of 1933, the Japanese Imperial Army invaded China and carried out massive air-raids over the Gubeikou Great Wall, a gateway into Beijing. The bloodshed here inspired the chilling 《義勇軍進行曲》(March of the Volunteers) that later became the PRC national anthem.
Used to be something I only hear about in the news, until today.
Exactly how one survives a genocide?
How to un-see and un-hear all the human atrocities?
In experimental science, we talked about memories being labile every time they are retrieved.
But what if the events are so horrific that a mere recall is itself another torture?
He lost his faith in humanity.
Love has no meaning.
He had everything taken away from him in the most brutal way possible.
In this context, his HIV diagnosis was the least of our concerns.
He has nobody to talk to.
How can one form relationships when it's difficult to even interact with others?
Meditation has helped. But every time he succeeded in conjuring a small fragment of peace, that evil world from his past came crashing in, destroying the precious little seed that he has.
Can he ever learn to trust again?
How many more times will he lock himself up, shutting down the world?
How many more times will he clutched his fist and cracked his knuckles?
Will that look of despair and terror ever extinguish?
This man deserves a second chance.
So I risked breaching the code of conduct and broke my silence.
"How about non-human contact?"
Finally, the idea of a pet, a prospect of unconditional love, brought a smile to his face.
"In a way I did feel that the artist in me was dying a little bit..."
"I do not want to sit and make a nest and be comfortable..."
"I don't want to have comfort, I don't want to have a family, I don't want to have a flat - so I destroyed in a way everything I had in order to be able to build."
"It is almost like a delete button and you just want to start fresh."
Last time I went home, I found my old SLR.
The paint has started to peel and when I removed the lens cover, broken glass showered down my lap.
Actually, nobody had time to find out. I cursed the air and took off again.
Two years later, my world imploded. I quited my job, sold all my stuff in America and moved back to Hong Kong.
My bedroom in HK is smaller than the bathroom I had in Kansas City. To make it less claustrophobic, I had to rearrange everything in order to have 2m square of floor space.
That's when I rediscovered this SLR for a second time.
And that's when it surprised me a second time.
Peeking through that slit around the back, were some small letters "ISO400...". The camera was still loaded! There's a roll of film inside!!
Quickly got on my feet, I popped out the long-dead battery and started googling.
"Nikon F-601... the first line of Nikon cameras that use Littery batteries..."
Fuck! Where the hell can I find a first generation battery?!
One good thing about Hong Kong is, old or new, it does have everything.
An hour later my granddaddy Nikon powered up, flashing some error message and a "10".
Does it count up or down? Ha! Either way, these would be the last frames in my last roll I took before switching to digital.
I pressed rewinded, opened the back and...
Shit. Why are the shutter blades all crooked?
Strange. Gold and green? That's neither Kodak or Fuji.
Sainsbury's?!! The supermarket?!! From England?!!
They made films?!!
When I was still a student in the UK?!!!
That's... counting my fingers... more than 10 years ago!
It's been sitting there unfinished and forgotten, enduring a decade of digital assault?
This is a time capsule!
What's in it?!